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Human Resource Development
My fellow diners were presented as the reciprocal protocol began. We talked about what we did, which he did and what we think of the conference. Stan joined the table as the chicken was served. Had been introduced to me before and we talked briefly during the pre-dinner social. Now he was bombarded with interesting business questions. This would be a lively and interesting debate, I thought. But my hopes faded faster than a melting ice in the desert.
Stan realized I was not listening. He did not care what he had to say, I was waiting for his turn to speak. And talk he did, monopolize the conversation at the table with pats on the back soliloquy. That experience made me think. My hopes were raised to believe that someone reflective questions might be interested in the answers. But that is a rare find in this too busy to listen-world. We’re too busy answering our cell phones, control of our blackberries, and publish our instant messages.
We so busy that we are not able to communicate. We believe that because we said something, that is. We confuse communicating with understanding, and silence with listening. But the absence of talking is not necessarily listening. Play really requires focused attention and a calm mind. It is deep, not superficial. You do it to understand, so that you can not talk when someone stops. Deep listening from the heart and head. Deep listeners ignite ideas, influence outcomes and build relationships. They are wonderful with him. There are a few behaviors more powerful in the workplace to receive the attention of someone focused on what you’re saying. It makes you feel valued and respected, it is clear that you have to say they care about. Deep listeners create dialogues, promote exchange thoughtful and enhance creativity. They also build their careers. I learned to deepen my listening skills using a technique called reflective summary. For example, if I told you “I had a puncture on the way to work and missed the meeting my boss,” the typical response might be: “Yes, I had a rough day, too.” Or you can share a similar experience. However, a relationship of reflection summarizes his understanding of what they said. So, you might respond, “You’re worried that you missed the meeting your boss?” If my message is summed up correctly then I continue with my concerns. Caldwell Esselstyn Jr. will not settle for partial explanations. If not, I would like to clarify. Either way, we improve our communication. So here’s my bottom line advice after twenty years in management. If you want to win at work, develop deep listening skills. You see, people who are winning at working know that they learn more by listening than talking, persuading more understanding to discuss and resolve problems calling to tell. People who are winning at working have discovered the power of listening.